thank GODi'm a woman

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN (NO, A MAN))
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch,or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,to have these two boobs and sit down when I pee.I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.Forget all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!